


When He Knew Him

by Sporadic_Writer



Category: Banana Fish
Genre: Implied Murder, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 13:00:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6705406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sporadic_Writer/pseuds/Sporadic_Writer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hearts for Us<br/>Eiji and Ash celebrate Valentine's Day in a way reminiscent of the lighter moments in BF.</p>
<p>Promise of Comfort<br/>Eiji comforts Ash during his breakdown.</p>
<p>Yours for Mine<br/>Ash and Eiji swap tales from their childhoods in the safe house.</p>
<p>In a Lifetime<br/>Ash reminds Eiji of someone he used to know.</p>
<p>Parallel Lives Do Intersect<br/>Eiji reminds Ash of someone he used to know.</p>
<p>Here and Now<br/>Eiji's been through some tough times, and he's determined to stand tall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hearts for Us

**Author's Note:**

> I posted these "chapters" as separate stories on LJ, but I believe that their length and themes make sense as a single work, so I decided to just post them here together.
> 
> I created this work in 2012, and I'm just archiving it here. Some of the (old) author notes will seem out of context as a result.

**Title: Hearts For Us**  
A/N: I have not read the entire series, so my fanfiction may be be classified as AU.

     

“Hoo!” Ibé-san had sighed in that field where they watched Ash and Shorter pluck and roast their feathery dinner.  Eiji could remember the sudden lines etched deeply on Ibé’s face as he sighed in resignation at the crazy world in which they’d fallen.  “Eiji-kun,” Ibé-san had mumbled, shaking his head, “We are not in Japan anymore.”     


Yes.  They were not in Japan.  They were in America—a violent and ugly part of the country that Eiji had loved for its detective dramas.  So, Eiji decided that he would do as the Americans do.  He followed Ash’s lead, and when Ash was absent, running his private dangerous errands, Eiji turned to the other gang members.  

If they drove up and around and down and sideways through the cramped alleyways before getting out and switching cars to reach their destination, then he would sit tight, hold onto the door, and hurry his ass up.   


When February 14th surprised the gang, Eiji was ready.  He was so prepared that he was quite proud of himself for becoming acclimated to a new role on Valentine’s Day.     


9:00am: In Japan, Eiji would be receiving giri-choco sporadically throughout the day as female friends would pop up and hand over the little box or bag with a sing-song reminder of their expectations for White Day.  

On a rare occasion, the girl would flutter her eyelashes shyly and present him with honmei chocolate.  Eiji would invite the girl on a few dates, and they would have fun watching movies and eating out.  But by the next Valentine’s Day, the girls at school all knew that he could receive honmei chocolate.   


9:00am: In America, presently, Eiji was cheerfully taping up blue, yellow, orange, and green crepe paper hearts.  Valentine’s Day wasn’t the occasion for Eiji to scold Bono for his tough-guy stereotyped dislike of pink.  But, out of contrariness, Eiji also put up several giant red hearts with heavy-lashed eyes and rosebud pursed lips.    

9:35am: In Japan, Eiji would be sneaking bites of giri-choco behind his exercise booklet whenever the teacher looked to the other side of the room.   


9:35am: In America, Eiji was busily sorting out his Valentine’s Day cards and matching message to gang member.  He had briefly thought of writing out his own sayings, but he could only remember the Valentine’s Day card that his American pen pal had sent him when he was in elementary school.  

The message?  “You are my sunshine, so be my Valentine!”  The words were written with a rather garish but eye-catching mix of red and yellow crayon.  
  
Eiji contemplated the reaction of, say, Big Hud, and almost lost control of his stomach muscles.  
  
9:55am: In Japan, Eiji would have finished off the last bit of his third chocolate and looked up to see the teacher staring hard at him.  Sweat would have popped up on his forehead and right below his shoulder blades.   
  
9:55am: In America, Eiji was having a difficult time deciding.  Which card was to be Shorter’s?  Ah, what if he used that psychology trick?  
  
Shorter?  First thought: Shades.  Eiji looked through the cards and finally picked the one with the motorcycle rider.  Eh, close enough.  He shrugged.  He kept that mentality for the rest of the process.   
  
Bono?  First thought: Nicotine.  Eiji picked the card with the red gummy heart.    
  
Jim-Jam?  First thought: Jazz.  Eiji picked the card with the red stars.  
  
Tun?  First thought: Skittles.  Eiji picked the card with the multi-colored hearts.  
  
Big Hud?  First thought: Wool scarf (even in the summer).  Eiji picked the card with the red and blue ribbon swirls.  
  
On and on, Eiji exercised his not completely random choices.  
  
10:07am: In Japan, Eiji would have given up sneaking chocolate after the close call and spent the rest of the class hour in a haze born of too much sugar.  To feel somewhat productive, he would have started a mental checklist for the little trinkets he could buy the girls without breaking his bank account.  
  
10:07am: In America, Eiji finished writing names and scribbling his signature.  He tore open the pink bag of Snickers and taped one securely to each card.  Afterward, he smiled as he put the leftover candy back in the bag to save for Ash’s random attacks of sweet tooth.  
  
Eiji walked carefully around the sleeping bodies on the futons in the living room and placed the cards by the rightful owners.  Some of the gang members could be shy about gifts.  
  
“Huuuuuuuuuuuh!”  Eiji heard the ear-splitting yawn from the bedroom.  No one stirred on the futons.  Well, Shorter made an automatic finger but it quickly flopped back down.  He supposed that they stayed over after meetings often enough that they could sleep through Ash’s morning routine.  
  
Eiji poked his head past the bedroom door and shushed Ash loudly.  “Shorter and the others are still sleeping.  It’s only 10:00.”   


Ash covered up another yawn as he continued to roll his shoulders and neck to alleviate aching muscles.  “What’re you doing up so early?” he asked sleepily, still sitting on the bed.

Eiji smiled and shrugged.  He handed Ash his Snickers bar.       


“Valentine’s Day, huh?”  Ash said as he smiled in thanks and dropped the candy in his shirt pocket.  “Do I get a card too?” he teased.  His grin faded as his eyes widened in surprise when Eiji held out a small handmade card to him.   


A red and yellow scribble with a rather cheery message that Eiji thought a good match apropos of Ash’s brilliant blond hair.   


Ash walked over to his computer desk and ruffled through the papers.  He turned around and gave Eiji a piece of cardboard, taking Eiji’s card in return.   


Eiji blinked at the bright orange stars in the blue background—not quite dark enough to suggest nighttime but not light enough to suggest daytime.  “You’re a star in the sky, Valentine!”   


Ash looked sheepish.  “I couldn’t really remember what messages people put on the cards, but I figure it’s something like that.”   


“Thank you.  Your drawing skills are better than mine.  I will treasure it,” Eiji said sincerely.  “But I thought I was going to surprise you all.  I did not think you remember Valentine’s Day.”   


“I didn’t.  Not until yesterday.”  Ash smirked.  “You dropped your supplies at the front door when you got back from shopping and ran over to help Mrs. Galloway catch her cat.”  
  
Eiji grimaced.  “That animal is evil.”   


“I saw the candy, but I wasn’t expecting the card,” Ash said softly.  “So, thanks, Eiji.  It brings back happy memories.”   


Eiji nodded, and they looked at each awkwardly until the moment was interrupted by Big Hud’s cry of surprise when he woke up to see a giant red wide-eyed heart making a kissy face at him.  
  
10:32am:  America.  Japan.  Eiji was happy it’s Valentine’s Day.


	2. Promise of Comfort

Title: Promise of Comfort  
A/N: I think most people will recognize this scene. I decided to just expand on it a little and to explore what Eiji might have been thinking.

Eiji isn’t sure when he first hugged Ash. 

 

He could definitely remember the first time that Ash hugged him. The one-armed hug that Ash had given him in the jail still popped up randomly in his mind and set him blushing. Of course, the blushing had more to do with what Ash did right after the hug.

Ash’s hands had slid smoothly out of his pants’ pockets, and he’d wrapped one arm casually around Eiji’s neck. The warm weight had been foreign and familiar at the same time. Eiji hadn’t taken Ash to be the touchy-feely sort, and the hug had seemed so strangely boyish. 

It had reminded him of the light roughhousing that he and his fellow athletes had always engaged in during pole-vaulting practice. With only two large mats to go around, much of their pole-vaulting practice had consisted of waiting for their turn and doing stretches and other exercises in the meantime. They would watch each other vault and then either mock-boo the effort or start a round of one-armed hugs and backslaps. 

Then Ash’s other arm had come up, and his hand lightly gripped the front of Eiji’s shirt. Stiffening slightly in surprise at the sudden closeness, Eiji had only managed a confused, “Huh?” before Ash moved one hand to the small of his back, started stroking behind his ear with the thumb of the other, and brought their lips together into a sudden kiss. 

Eiji might have protested, but feeling a relatively chaste lip-to-lip kiss segue immediately into something that Eiji had thought that only long-term couples shared had left him speechless. Looking back at Ash with wide eyes, Eiji had then found himself the recipient of a strangely solemn gaze from narrowed green eyes. 

An abrupt wink and grin, alongside a salacious squeeze of the backside, from Ash had broken the intensely intimate gaze that they had shared just a moment before. Then everything went to “fucking hell in a shitty bicycle basket,” as some of Ash’s gang members might say, and Eiji had put the incident in the back of his mind. For the time being.

Right now Eiji really wishes that he could remember the first time he had hugged Ash. Or was this the first time? It was. Wasn’t. He couldn’t remember, but he needed to know. 

Two minutes ago, Ash’s voice had broken briefly and then he’d been crying without a sound, the two tears dropping from his eyes and down his cheeks. Eiji had gripped Ash’s shoulder comfortingly and encouraged him the best he could. Ash had put on a wavering smirk and made fun of Eiji’s tofu sandwiches.

Eiji had been relieved. Ash was going to be fine; he would always land on his feet. Then Ash had just toppled right over into Eiji’s lap, and his hands had begun strangling Eiji’s t-shirt. The warm weight was an easy burden to bear—Ash wasn’t that heavy—but suddenly Eiji felt truly scared. His hand hovered awkwardly above Ash’s head.

“Stay with me,” Ash whispers a bit hoarsely, breaking into Eiji’s thoughts.

Eiji opens his mouth, unsure how to answer. 

“I won’t ask ‘Forever,’” Ash adds quickly, “Just for now, Eiji.”

His fear leaves him. Eiji knows exactly what to do. He remembers how often his younger sister used to have nightmares. He would turn over in bed in the middle of the night and bump into the heavy weight of his sister huddling into his mattress.

The first time it happened Eiji had been furious. He’d been half-asleep and turning to find a more comfortable way to arrange his legs when his hand had smacked into something warm, alive, and not of his bed. He’d fallen to the floor screaming, and then, realizing that the warm something was his sister, ordered her to go back to her own bed.

However, the next time it happened Eiji was better prepared. Although he sighed in real exasperation, he rearranged his blankets and tossed one over his sister. When she refused to share the nightmare but continued to tremble, he rubbed her back soothingly, mimicking the way their mother used to smooth her hand over their backs when they were young enough to both fit on her lap during story-telling. 

Eventually his sister stopped getting nightmares, or maybe she learned how to handle them on her own. However, Eiji knew that she still remembered and appreciated how he’d comforted her during those dark nights. 

On his nineteenth birthday, shortly before his injury would force him away from his scholarship and leave him with Ibé-san on a flight to the United States, his sister had given him a hand-woven dream-catcher. She had shrugged casually and said that she had seen it in the novelty shop with her girlfriends. The birthday card she also handed him was the generic sort sold in drugstores everywhere in Japan. But Eiji understood her message.

Eiji smoothes his hand over the blonde strands and then begins rubbing Ash’s back with a random but soothing rhythm. He goes up to the nape of Ash’s neck and then moves back down to the slight dip in the middle of Ash’s backbone—again and again. As the barely noticeable sniffling sounds fall off, Eiji traces circles and stars and even a small caricature of Ash’s favorite type of gun. 

Eiji’s index finger and thumb curve together to spell out a word below Ash’s shoulder blades.

“Forever,” Eiji answers. Forever, Ash.


	3. Yours for Mine

**A/N:** I thought the scene about Ash's phobia was both funny and touching, so I wrote something to complement it.

Before Ash’s revelation, Eiji had wondered idly about the fears that Ash, as a gang leader who frequently needed to be violent, harsh, and ruthless in order to keep his position, would have pushed to the back of his mind.  


Cucurbitophobia: the fear of pumpkins.  That hadn’t been on Eiji’s list and wouldn’t have been even if the list extended into the hundreds.     


A small frown line had wrinkled Ash’s forehead as he recalled his traumatic experience: “I ran out of there _SCREAMING_.  But the Jack-O’-Lantern on my head was real heavy, and I couldn’t run very fast.”   


Eiji’s norimake and chopsticks had lain on the table where he had dropped them five minutes ago as he continued to gawk at Ash in disbelief.   


Eiji had started blinking rapidly as he desperately tried to contain the impulse.  He had pressed his lips together and clenched his teeth together, but his sides had continued shaking regardless.    


Caught in the memory, Ash had continued obliviously, “But man, I’ve _HATED_ pumpkins ever since.  Just looking at a squash in the produce lane creeps me out.”

The disgruntled moue on Ash’s lips was almost the last straw for Eiji.  But he contained himself valiantly.

Ash had then looked up from his suspicious scrutiny of the norimake he was holding in his chopsticks.  He had frowned at the strained expression on Eiji’s face.  

Wary, he had asked, “What?  What’s so funny?”  The total bewilderment in Ash’s tone broke Eiji’s back.    

“Pffffffffft!  Bwahahahahaha!  Ahahahahaha!”  Eiji had almost choked on his laughter, trying to stop.  His arms had held his stomach as he gasped for breath again and again.  Trying to stop his laughter only exacerbated it.  Only his fear of hurting Ash’s feelings and making Ash wary of sharing personal experiences abruptly stopped Eiji’s laughter.  

“Sorry, sorry.” Eiji waved a hand in a placating manner.  “I just…well, it’s funny, but I also…”  

Eiji trailed off with a thoughtful expression on his face.  He smiled secretively and shrugged at Ash’s questioning look and said never mind.    
  
I want to share something like that with you, Eiji thought.  A memory for a memory.  Yours for mine.      


Ash is out again, meeting with his contacts, spying on Dino’s men, maybe shooting people.  When they first moved into the apartment, Eiji used to wander around the rooms restlessly whenever Ash was out.  However, by now, even though he’s not used to the violence and instability of Ash’s world, he accepts how things are.   
  
It was almost eight o’clock.  If his intuition had finally adjusted to Ash’s sense of meal times, then Ash should be home within half an hour.   


Eiji turned on the radio and fiddled around with the dial until he found some upbeat music to accompany his dinner preparations.   


“Zzz…zzz….zzzz…Ladies and Gentleman, let’s hear it for Robert Hazard’s hit song, Escalator of Life!”   


They got my Mazda at the E-Z Park It  
At the rock & roll supermarket  
Muzak music make me feel so funny  
I went and spent all my money  
We're riding on the escalator of life  
We're shopping in the human mall  
We're dancing on the escalator of life  
Won't be happy 'til we have it all  
We want it all

Eiji bobbed his head along to the music as he cut the cucumbers into thin strips, shredded the fake crabmeat chunks, and tore the seaweed sheets into neat squares.  He dumped the crabmeat into its own bowl and liberally added hot sauce to it, stirring the mixture all the while.   
  
He opened the refrigerator and took out the little boxes of pickled pink ginger and green wasabi that he had picked up at the local supermarket.  He tossed them lightly onto the dining table and turned back to his preparation.  
  
He grabbed spoons, forks, and chopsticks, loaded himself down with the bowls of food, and danced his way to the table, narrowly missing a wet spot on the linoleum.   
  
There's 111 choices  
Don't listen to those little voices  
I don't let the guilty feeling shake me  
You can have your cake and eat it baby  
We're riding on the escalator of life  
We're shopping in the human mall  
We're dancing on the escalator of life  
Won't be happy 'til we have it all  
  
He set everything down with a satisfied sigh before he realized that he’d heard the front door open.     
  
With a flush on his face from embarrassment, Eiji swung around to face Ash, who looked back at him with an amused grin on his face.   
  
“Ah, Ash, you’re back!” Eiji greeted him.   
  
Eiji grabbed the radio and turned it off; the sudden silence from the rock music gave the apartment a peaceful ambience.   
  
“You didn’t have to turn the radio off,” Ash said, shrugging off his jacket and draping it on the couch, “I don’t mind music when I’m eating.”     
  
Eiji flapped a hand at him.   
  
“No, actually, I thought it would be nice to have quiet dinner,” Eiji said, gesturing at the dining table.   
  
Arching an eyebrow, Ash came closer to the table and eyed the food skeptically until he recognized what it was.  
  
“Hey!  You made California Rolls!” Ash grinned a bit in wonder.  
  
“Yes,” Eiji said, pleased at Ash’s reaction.  “I ask one neighbor how to get sushi ingredients, and she told me that California Rolls are very popular here.”  
  
Ash nodded.  “Yeah, California Rolls are everywhere.  You can buy them in trashed up convenience stores in the worst parts of town.”  
  
Ash smirked teasingly at Eiji.  “They’re not authentic sushi though.  You don’t mind going without the raw fish?  The smell adds to the flavor, right?”   
  
Eiji pretended to scowl at Ash for making fun of Japanese food again.  Really, some people didn’t know how to appreciate natto.   
  
Eiji raised an innocent eyebrow.  “Oh, Ash, I did not know you want that.  It is not too late.  I go find some eel.”  
  
Eiji and Ash stared at each other for a long moment, daring the other to break down first.  
  
A muffled bang outside, not too far from their apartment complex, broke the stalemate as Ash jerked around to looked outside the window, and Eiji’s smile faded into a frown.   
  
“Is something happening, Ash?” Eiji asked quietly, wondering if Ash would have to go out again.  Ash didn’t always tell him everything about the plans against Dino.  Eiji knew that Ash was trying to protect him, but he would have preferred to share the danger with Ash.  Only his awareness that his presence would be an emotional strain for Ash kept him from pressing the issue.   
  
Ash didn’t say anything.  He craned his neck, trying to see out the window while holding himself in the shadow of the bookcase.  Then he started cracking up.  
  
“Ash?” Eiji felt relieved.  So, nothing was wrong?   
  
“Eiji, come over here,” Ash called him over to the window and stepped aside so that Eiji could look out the window too.   
  
Moving closer to the window, Eiji could hear children laughing hysterically.  He looked and saw some boys and girls standing in a circle.  A small red and yellow box was passed from hand to hand until each kid had something, and then they all threw their pellets together into the middle of the circle, creating a quick series of small bangs and pops.  
  
“Small firecrackers?” Eiji wondered, relieved at the innocent sight, and smiling at the fun the kids were having.   
  
“It’s Pop-Pop,” Ash answered, “They’re like small explosive rocks.  Shorter and I used to buy them in Chinatown and try to scare Nadia with them.”  
  
They watched for a while until Ash’s stomach growled.  
  
Ash looked embarrassed.  “I guess we better eat.”   
  
They ate quietly for a while, passing the bowls of rice and crabmeat, reaching over each other for the soy sauce, causally fighting over the wasabi.  
  
Eiji said causally, “I don’t like tangerines.”  He continued to fill his California roll, adding some more rice, tapping down the crabmeat, smearing a little wasabi onto the top.  
  
Ash looked surprised at the comment from out of the blue.  But he caught on quick, and the smile that he gave Eiji was warm.     
  
“Why not?”  
  
Eiji made a face.  “Trauma memory.”  He thought about all the things that Ash had went through and amended his statement.   
  
“Well, not really trauma but not good memory.  Some people I tell think it is funny.”   
  
Now Ash definitely was interested.  He twisted his seaweed and rice together into a roll, but his eyes stayed on Eiji.     
  
“My parents both work very long hours.  My mother at the hospital as nurse, and my father at business company as manager.  When my sister and I were young, our grandmother babysit until our parents pick us up.  One time my sister and I play with water balloons, and we made grandmother all wet before her afternoon nap.  She scolded us and made us stay in the house for rest of day.  It was very boring so when my sister dare me to climb out the bedroom window, I did not say no.”  Eiji paused and drank some tea.  
  
Ash tossed his roll into his mouth and, crunching, said, “So, you tried for a Great Escape.”   
  
Eiji didn’t know the reference but he got the gist of it.  “Yes, but it did not turn out well.  I was young and short, and the window seemed so high, but I manage to open anyway.  Then I get on dresser and I stand on windowsill.  But grandma knock on the bedroom door so my sister scream to warn me, and I was so surprised I fall from the window.”  
  
“But,” Eiji continued, “grandma had a tangerine tree growing right outside that window so I got hooked on it.”  
  
Ash, thinking it was the end of the story, said, “So, everything turned out okay, right?  Since you didn’t fall and break something.”   
  
Eiji looked solemn.  “Yes, but the branch hook only on my shorts, and I was too heavy so I start falling again after it yank away my pants!  And my underwear!”   
  
Ash started laughing.  
  
“But that is not all.  Grandma knocked on door because her friend came to visit.  Very conservative lady—and I flash her.”   
  
Utterly silent, Ash stared at Eiji and burst out laughing uncontrollably.  Eiji started grinning himself.  It was pretty funny in hindsight.  Even if the spanking from his grandmother was one of the most painful things he could remember.   


They continued to eat and occasionally share random stories from their childhood.It was a good night, a peaceful and light-hearted one.It was a night to share your embarrassing secrets and hope they didn’t get spread around later on.

 

 


	4. In a Lifetime

  
**A/N:** First of all, I'd like to  dedicate this story as a modest gift to Poophat and Nenena for giving me some much appreciated advice earlier.  Secondly, I'd like to share some thoughts on this story.  The first paragraph's dialogue was taken from the manga, but the rest of it I created to portray a potential event in Eiji's past.   The following has no bearing on the main BF plot, so I would consider it a very minor spoiler.  I forget which chapter, but in one of their guy-talk sessions, Ash asks Eiji about his romantic past, and I found the contents of Eiji's think-bubble  to be intriguing.  And this story was born.  It is a little bittersweet, it contains an OFC, and it suggests a more intimate relationship between Eiji and Ash than bromance.  

  
“Huh?  No, uh, no…no girlfriend!” Eiji had stuttered out the words in answer to Ash’s question, blushing a little.  In America, “girlfriend” means you’ve had sex and stuff, he thought to himself.

When Eiji was sixteen, he liked a girl called Amiko, who was in his class.  Amiko-chan was also a track-and-field athlete, but she specialized in the high jump.

During pole-vaulting practice, Eiji would often stop his exercises and watch Amiko-chan breathe deeply for a long time and then execute the most breath-taking high jump ever seen.  In Eiji’s eyes, she basically flew smoothly into the air, her body curved gracefully, and then landed with a soft thump onto the mattress on the other side of the bar.  She was mesmerizing when she got up and stretched her arms out above her head in satisfaction.

Eventually, Eiji and Amiko-chan started talking after they kept bumping into each other after school during track-and-field practice.  They matched each other’s passion for their respective sports, and they often speculated how they would react once they made it to the Olympics.  They often joked around, and their talks were filled with laughter and tears—but tears resulting from strained ribs hurting from too much laughter.  


Eiji would often form a hand into the shape of a microphone and mock-interview Amiko-chan, who would give fairly serious answers until Eiji’s grave manner and earnest head nodding pushed her into hysterics.  She would grab his microphone-hand and push it down, smacking him lightly on the shoulder when he resisted.  They would eventually collapse together onto the ground, playfully pushing and shoving.   


Amiko-chan began watching Eiji at his pole-vaulting practice, and one day a checkered sheet showed up in Eiji’s gym locker.  There were various stickers in the little boxes, along with dates, and Eiji could pick out some gold stars, some full-teethed smiley faces, and some random animal stickers.  After every practice, Eiji could count on seeing a new sticker on his sheet.  Even if he had an off day, he knew he would see a cheerful “Do Your Best!” sticker.  


Eiji was falling in love with Amiko-chan, and Amiko-chan was falling in love right back. 

But that’s not the way the story ends.  


Amiko-chan’s family wasn’t poor or rich.  They were middle class.  Or they were until her father died from an accident on the construction site.  Then her mother got into an accident when she was rushing to the hospital to see her husband.  Within a week, everything changed for Amiko-chan.  
  
“My aunt is making me go to an Omiai.”  Amiko-chan’s voice was quiet.  She pulled off a wristband and stretched it out with her fingers.  She abruptly looked up and met Eiji’s eyes.  He didn’t know what to say.  

Amiko-chan laughed briefly and bitterly.  “My aunt is such a hypocrite.  She promised my mother, her own sister, that she would take care of me.  But now she says that she can’t support three children.”  


Amiko-chan shrugged with a half-smile playing across her lips.  “Well, what can I do?  I’m a high-school student, and I won’t graduate for two more years.  If my aunt kicks me out, I have nowhere to go, and I won’t be one of those girls you pity on the streets.”  


Eiji wanted to reach out to her.  He wanted to hold her tightly and shield them both from the harsh reality that they lived in.  He wanted to ask Amiko-chan to leave with him and marry him and live together happily in Okinawa.   
  
But Eiji wasn’t foolish.

Eiji’s middle school best friend was Kenji-kun.  Kenji-kun was handsome, intelligent, and charming.  All the boys in the class referred to him as a “ladies’ man.”  However, Kenji-kun believed in true love, and he found it with a girl named Amaya.  Kenji-kun and Amaya-chan were deeply in love, and their relationship was admired and marveled as perfect—until Amaya-chan became pregnant.   
  
Suddenly shunned by everyone, Amaya-chan often skipped school and cried for long periods of time in her bedroom.  Angry on Amaya-chan’s behalf, Kenji-kun withdrew all his bank money, uncovered some lost gift money from relatives, worked extra hours at his secret part-time job, and then ran away with Amaya-chan to Kyoto.  
  
Eiji doesn’t remember how long Kenji-kun was gone, but it seemed like a long time.  He missed his best friend, and he was tired of being questioned by Kenji-kun’s parents and his own about Kenji-kun’s whereabouts.  However, eventually Kenji-kun and Amaya-chan came back, looking shame-faced.

Kenji-kun never told Eiji why things didn’t work out.  Perhaps Kenji-kun never got over the guilt of being spared when Amaya-chan’s reputation was shredded.  Perhaps Amaya-chan never got over her resentment towards him for suggesting that they continue without protection.  Maybe they both realized how difficult it is to live on only 700 yen per week.  Maybe their love started showing such ugly cracks and thin-haired breaks that they couldn’t stand living without the fairy tale anymore.   
  
Kenji-kun moved to Kobe and finished middle school there.  Amaya-chan moved to Itami and stayed with her grandmother until she married the widower who worked as the town vet.  
  
“I’m so sorry,” Eiji said to Amiko.  The wind was strong, and it almost blew his words away from him.  He reached a hand towards her shoulder, and when she didn’t protest, he drew her carefully into a hug that turned desperate.  Amiko tightened her grip on Eiji’s shoulder blades, and Eiji pressed his face against her hair, breathing in her shampoo and trying not to cry.  
  
“I will always be here,” Eiji said suddenly, “I know that I can’t be by your side, but I’ll be here, and I will listen and do whatever I can.”  The words tasted sour in his throat, and he wanted to vomit.  He could feel something wet and hot on his shirt collar.  

Amiko was quiet.  Then she raised her head and stood back from Eiji, distancing herself but not rejecting him.  
  
She breathed deeply and then she smiled at him.  It was a beautiful courageous smile.  

“I’ll be fine, Eiji.  I’ll take care of myself so don’t worry about me.  If the suitor isn’t a good man, then I just won’t marry him.  I won’t settle cheaply.”  


Eiji’s heart still hurt.  He didn’t want to be protected.     


He and Amiko looked at each other for a long time.  The air between them was tense with the potential of a kiss.  They kept looking at each other until finally they hugged once more and started walking in opposite directions.  


When Eiji fell the wrong way and hurt himself, losing his scholarship in the space of a minute, his heart hurt more than anything else, and the feeling was too familiar.  


“No girlfriend,” Eiji said.  His relationship with Amiko had almost ended before it started, and they had refrained from the kiss that would have made everything hurt so much more.   


Alex had come in much earlier, looking for a place to stash the gang’s new gun arsenal.  Ash and Eiji had put the guns in a corner of the room and pushed their beds closer together to avoid any potential accidents.   


With their beds barely a foot apart, Eiji could feel every breath that Ash took on his lips and on his cheeks.  Ash closed his eyes, and he didn’t open them when he spoke again.  
  
“Hey, Eiji,” Ash said, his tone thoughtful.  “Did you ever love someone?”  
  
Eiji knew what kind of love Ash meant.  Eiji lay on his back, looking at the ceiling intently.  

“Yes,” Eiji whispered, “But we could not be together.”  
  
He was quiet for a while, and then he added, “I also love someone now.”

Ash opened his eyes, and they looked at each other.  Ash smiled and held out his hand, and Eiji reached for it.   
  
Three months after Eiji last saw Amiko, he received a plain white letter without a return address.  In her distinctly spiky handwriting, Amiko had written: “Eiji, I’m fine now.  You know me, I keep on going.  I’m okay now, and I want you to be too.  Remember to keep going, Eiji.  Promise me.”


	5. Parallel Lives Do Intersect

  
A/N: I wrote this story a while ago, but I sat on it for a while as I experimented with tense and structure.  I'm not sure I achieved what I wanted, but maybe that's because I wrote it.  The italicized snippet below is from the manga and inspired this story.  Some of the Eiji/Ash interactions are from the manga, but I put my own spin on them.  
  
_“When I was 14, though.There was this girl I really loved.She died before we did anything.She was murdered.Because they thought she was my girlfriend.I couldn’t save her.”_  
  
_“I can’t have a relationship with someone from the straight world.Because the people in my world just won’t let it happen.”_  


  
Irene isn’t one of them.Her father, a single parent, is a frequent customer of Hong-Dai, and she often picks up the dinner order when he’s too busy with his translation work to leave the house.  


  
Ash doesn’t notice her at first; there are always so many girls, and most of them vie for his attention in a bid to get a leg up the pecking order.He can see the confident chill in their eyes and the controlled sensuality in their limbs.With his own background, Ash understands their actions.Distantly, he even respects them.But he isn’t interested.  
  
Pouting and trying once more to wrap her arms around Ash’s shoulders, the girl hits his chest with a red-nailed hand and a disdainful “Hmph” when he removes her exasperatedly.  
  
“Excuse me,” comes a harassed voice from behind them.“I can’t get out the other way, so if you guys could move a bit?”A girl Ash’s age smiles exasperatedly as she keeps her arms tight around the hot bags of food.Her patience ran out the same time her stomach growled a third time.  
  
Ash moves his chair closer to the wall, and the other girl shifts with him, but she smiles back a bit maliciously and purrs, “Worried about too little space?Might want to work on that chubby figure, little girl.”  
  
Shorter turns back from his hushed conversation with Tong-Du.He cuts in, “Hey, leave Irene alone.She’s got to get back home for her dad.We’ll see you tomorrow, Irene, yeah?”  
  
Irene nods to Shorter and gives the other girl a big smile as she says, “Well, thank you very much for the kind advice, old lady, but this chubby girl has a place to be.”  
  
She leaves amid appreciative whistles and calls from the younger restaurant goers who can’t help but applaud a good zing.  
  
Offended by Ash’s glib tongue, Eiji’s eyes had narrowed.Then he’d jumped on Ash and made liberal use of the medical supplies, leaving Ash feeling strangled by the bandages around his ribs, before stomping off to the kitchenette.  
  
“Clumsy Japanese is hungry.Clumsy Japanese go make sandwich,” he sang out, smug at his victory.  
  
“What maturity!”Ash had thrown back as he opened up the newspaper as a shield before he and Eiji exchanged a volley of one-fingered salutes, a battle that expanded into a sandwich-eating contest in which the winner left with the lesser amount of breadcrumbs.  
  
Ash thought Eiji should have been disqualified after that cheating move with the melted Parmesan cheese.  
  
Ash tosses three quarters on the counter as he grabs the newspaper and begins striding towards Waverly.  
  
“Hey,” the girl calls, “You forgot your free magazine.”  
  
“Don’t need it,” Ash looks up and recognizes her from Hong-Dai.Something with an E.No.An R?Too bad he can’t get away with calling her “doll.”  
  
“You sure?” She arches an eyebrow, friendly but not flirty.“Don’t knock gossipy pleasure until you’ve tried it.”  
  
Ash takes the magazine, but his eyes are drawn to her hands, which are busily wrapping a long thin piece of paper around and around itself until a small puffed star peeks out from the frame of her ink-stained fingers.  
  
“Hey!How’d you make that?” he asks, irresistibly curious at the display of origami.  
  
The girl laughs.“It’s actually pretty simple once you realize that you start out with a knot in the paper.Took me forever to figure that out.If you have a few minutes, I can show you how to do it.”  
  
Deftly rescheduling his plans for the afternoon, Ash decides to later use the shorter route between Fourth and Oak and saves up five minutes to spare for now.  
  
“Darn it.”He fumbles his third strip and holds up two separate parts of paper.Again.“I can’t get that knot.”  
  
Irene, who gave her name after correctly guessing that Ash didn’t really remember her, smiles doubtfully as she suggests, “Maybe if you slowly tug at one end before you--?”  
  
Interrupted by another tearing sound, she rolls her eyes in exasperation.“Look, just hold the paper, and I’ll move your hands the right way, okay?”  
  
He hesitates briefly, reluctant to allow a stranger’s touch, but tells himself to deal and extends his hands.To his stifled relief, the brush of dry fingertips and soft scratch of nails don’t feel unpleasant against his skin, as the girl manipulates the new paper between their hands.  
  
Cursing the tub for being so small, Ash had fidgeted around before sliding himself half out of the tub, leaving his aching legs immersed in the hot water.He was getting way too old for all this running.He wondered which of the guys would inflate their balls enough to bring him the shampoo.  
  
Eiji walked into the bathroom, with an easy expression.Despite his innocence, he didn’t seem the least bit perturbed at seeing naked skin.When he handed over the shampoo bottle, their hands touched, and Ash started at the contact.Being naked made him feel oddly vulnerable, not in any physical way since he trusted Eiji to the core.But the intimacy of sharing the room with Eiji made him prickle uneasily.  
  
Maybe Eiji could tell.Or maybe he thought Ash was cold.He frowned and offered to hang a towel over the tattered shower curtain to close off the tub.  
  
Ash flicks off the safety and presses the muzzle deeply into the man’s temple, making sure that the pressure would bruise.The slimeball quivers as he stutters out a sincere promise not to beat up hookers on Ash’s territory.  
  
Ash is rubbing the slime off the gun muzzle when a panicked cry rises in the air before cutting off.He debates furiously with himself before hurtling down two narrow alleys before nearly slamming into the short but wiry man who is grappling with a—Irene! Ash’s mind shouts in recognition.  
  
Ash fires the gun past the man’s ear.Irene begins shaking uncontrollably.She chokes out sobs.The splash of red is stark against the grayish grime of the alley walls.  
  
Hoping that the girl won’t faint on him, Ash half-drags her up King Street where Skip lives with his folks.It’s late enough that Skip will be back from his duties.  
  
As soon as his friend opens the door, Ash thrusts Irene into his arms, trusting that Skip can better comfort her.She won’t want him near her.  
  
“What’s going on here, Steven?Who’s that at the door?” Skip’s younger sister, Leonora, comes into the room.  
  
“Hey, Nora.This is Irene.She got attacked, and she’s pretty spooked.Can you help her clean up?Thanks.”Halfway through speaking, Ash heads out the door.  
  
“Whoa, Ash!” Skip calls, bewildered.Ash pretends he doesn’t hear.He’ll drop by later with a gallon of gas and make it up to them.  
  
Ash feels the hairs on his nape rise as he feels someone approach him, but the presence doesn’t feel like a threat.His instincts are proven correct when Irene sets a hand hesitantly, then firmly, on his table and insists on making eye contact.He stares straight into her eyes and is slightly unnerved when she gazes back, apparently at ease.  
  
“Why are you staring at me?” he demands flatly.  
  
Irene blinks, and a blush works over her cheeks.“I, well, you have really nice eyes—the color, I mean; it’s—”  
  
She shakes her head wildly.Her hair is a mess, Ash muses.“No, sorry.I wanted to, uh, talk to you about last week.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
She pauses, her hands clasped tightly together, as she continues haltingly.“Thank you for saving me.I don’t think I have to bring up what that asshole had in mind.I feel bad that I didn’t say anything earlier.I was still in shock.”  
  
They sit for a moment.Over her shoulder, Ash can see Shorter shooting concerned looks over, and he hopes the other gang leader won’t decide to be helpful and come over with his jellyfish soup.  
  
“I thought that maybe I had accidentally hurt you, that maybe you had misunderstood,” Irene adds quietly.  
  
“It’s fine.”And it is.He finally meets her eyes.  
  
He had really pushed his luck with Eiji.How much more of the ugliness before he saw disgust in those warm eyes?He smiled bitterly, sure he knew the answer, when he turned to Eiji and saw him wipe off the blood splashed across his face.The poor guy got kidnapped, nearly assaulted, and now thrown into a literal bloodbath.  
  
“Did I scare you?”  
  
“No.”  
  
Always so damn sincere.  
  
The migraine splinters his mind and makes it difficult to think.He stumbles slightly off the sidewalk despite his mental demands for his body to keep going until he reaches Wade’s Bar on 4 th Street.  
  
Warmth enfolds him, and he can smell vanilla.He grips the girl’s arms hard, regretting his lack of control as she stiffens in pain.  
  
“Do you need the hospital?” Irene demands.  
  
“No, need to lie down,” he mumbles.He grasps unsteadily at the metal chair that she pulled him to, and he collapses gratefully.That bastard Lyle probably gave him a concussion.  
  
“What’s wrong?” she whispers.“If something’s seriously wrong—“  
  
“Headache.”  
  
Despite his temples pounding, a corner of his mind continues to track Irene’s movements as she lets down the newsstand’s front curtain and begins rummaging in her backpack.  
  
“Here, let me just daub on some of this.It’ll help.”She smoothes something pungent onto his temples and past his ears.  
  
He wrinkles his nose.“That’s the worst thing I have ever smelled,” he says, omitting the two months he’d spent eating out of garbage cans before Dino had taken him.  
  
Irene lets out a startled laugh before clapping a hand over her mouth when Ash winces at the noise.“Excuse me?That’s Tiger Balm.Every medicine shop in Chinatown sells it.You won’t find anyone who doesn’t find it effective.It’s good for muscle aches and congestion too.”  
  
“I can’t be the first person with a good nose to use it,” Ash grouses.  
  
Eiji had argued that no one else in the group was likely to have experience cooking nutritious meals and promptly made the kitchen his domain, apparently unaware of any, ahem, connotations.  
  
“It has aroma,” Ash parroted, drawn from the computer to the kitchen, from which a distinct rotting smell had wafted.  
  
“Yes!” Eiji looked pleased that Ash finally understood the concept.“But it is not from Japan.Not from China either, but Shorter gave it to me.He didn’t want it.”  
  
Eyeing the spiked something warily, Ash skimmed his memory banks before giving up and asking, “What is this thing?Is it actually edible?”  
  
“It’s durian!It has wonderful yellow fruit inside.I think some people say it taste like custard.”  
  
“…Seriously?”  
  
“Try it!”Eiji looked expectant as he held out a hunk of yellow quivering mass.  
  
“Ugh.”  
  
Ash pulls his baseball cap down and watches as Dino’s errand boys cuss each other out at increasingly high volume.He leaves as soon as the knives come out.He discreetly wheels the case of grade-A cocaine to a nearby warehouse that his gang took over.He’ll decide later whether to just toss it or to use it for some kind of leverage, with Dino or someone else.  
  
Whistling cheerfully at yet another bump in Dino’s plans, Ash turns onto Irene’s street for a visit.This late in the afternoon the newspapers are probably all gone, but he knows Irene will have saved him a copy.  
  
Ash slides the coins over the wooden counter, offering Irene a genuine grin.But her reciprocal smile is quickly replaced with a frown, and her eyes are troubled.  
  
“Ash,” she says quietly.“Nadia came by a couple days ago.She told me that you and Shorter were getting really deep into something bad.She tries not to get involved, and she told me that I should do the same.”  
  
Her voice begins to waver.“I know so little about what you have to do.Am I causing you trouble by trying to know you?”  
  
Ash leans in close and holds her shoulders.His tongue feels clumsy as he tries to explain, “Whatever problems I have, you’re not the cause.I don’t—I like seeing you.Really.”  
  
Ash may have grown too old for Dino’s tastes, but somehow the old fart still holds a possessive attitude towards Ash’s totality.As much as the realization disgusts him, Ash knows that part of his success in rising up through the street ranks is due to the _noli tangere_ order from Dino.  
  
Ash is practicing with crumpled beer cans in one of New York’s small empty lots when Skip hurtles around the corner and yells his name, a sign that something is seriously wrong.Skip knows better than to startle him like that, especially with a gun in his hands.  
  
“Ash, Ash!At the bar, we just got this packet.That girl of yours, Irene?We got to get her away!”  
  
They break into a run as Ash rifles through the photos in the dirty, torn card envelope.His shoulders shake with relentless chills as he shuffles image after image of Irene, alone, hanging with friends—

And speaking with him.

They are one block from Irene’s newsstand when the crowd appears in front of their eyes.The buzz of murmuring voices grate, as Ash shoves past the busybodies to collapse next to Nadia, who is hiccupping with soft sobs, as she pointlessly presses the yellow dishtowel against Irene’s chest.

It is his fault.All his fault.

“I want to stay,” Eiji said abruptly, setting down the beer can with a clink.“I feel that I need to see this through.”

“To the end,” he added, quietly but firmly.Due to what he had witnessed earlier, Eiji expected an argument.

Ash looked away for a moment.“Okay,” he relented.

Eiji smiled brightly, surprised at the easy concession.

Ash smiled back and instigated a toast with their beers.

I’m selfish.But not to that degree.I won’t drag you down with me.Not so long as I have a say in this ugly world.

  


  



	6. Here and Now

Title: Here and Now

A/N: So, I've been in the Banana Fish fandom for quite some time, and here is my final Banana Fish fic.  I feel pretty proud of the background story that I've created for Eiji since I tried to show how a regular guy like Eiji could become such close friends with Ash when they come from such vastly different worlds.  If anyone here is a fan of Sherlock (BBC) or Inception, then I will definitely see you around since I'll be posting there soon.  Please enjoy!

  


If you asked anyone who knew Eiji, like his parents, his sister, Ibé-san, Ash, they would tell you that Eiji was the most well-liked person they ever knew.Depending on which one you asked, they would talk about his guileless eyes, his beautiful smile, his surprisingly wicked sense of humor (he hides it with his guileless eyes and beautiful smile), his kind-heartedness, his stubbornness, or his simple innate goodness—any of those things.But they knew him, and most people don’t.

********

Eiji never understands why everyone at school abandons him after his accident.The memories of playfully roughhousing with the other boys during pole-vaulting practice are still fresh in his mind when the first instance of shunning comes.

Eiji slowly walks into the classroom, trying to reorient himself, after having missed a month of school.He waves at Akihito-kun, who’s sitting near the window with some other guys, flirting with the girls walking down the path to the school garden.Akihito-kun doesn’t see him until Eiji stands right in front of him.

“Akihito-kun, do you mind if I borrow your notes?” Eiji asks.He expects Akihito-kun to smile his usual friendly grin and welcome him into the circle of friends.Eiji smiles at all of them, recognizing most of the faces as fellow track-and-field athletes.

Akihito-kun looks around at his friends, rolls his eyes dramatically, and pushes a notebook into Eiji’s hands with a mumbled “Sure.”Then he turns around and starts a conversation about the newest RPG game.

Eiji stands there, bewildered at the cold reception.He wonders if Akihito-kun is angry with him for something he accidentally did.The other guys are staring at him, and none of them seem approachable so Eiji smiles weakly at them and finds his seat.

Eiji feels awkward amongst his classmates until the teacher comes in and starts the lesson plan for the day.Preoccupied with Akihito-kun’s strange behavior, Eiji barely pays attention to the grammar exercises that Hidaka-sensei passes out until the student in front of him shoves the packet into his hands.

Shaken from his thoughts, Eiji sighs inwardly and starts working unenthusiastically on the English language grammar exercises.

Choose the right vocabulary word

  

  1. Karen and Mark went to the furniture store to buy red curtains, which would have a better (effect/affect) against their maple-brown walls.
  

  2. After Brian borrowed a tissue from his friend Darien, Darien refused to (except/accept) it back.
  

  3. (Its/It’s) the best thing in the world to have strawberry ice cream cones on a hot summer day in California.
  



The soothing rhythm of his pen moving over the questions calms Eiji down.English had always been one of his favorite subjects, and he harbored hopes that he would travel to America someday.He wanted to see the home of Columbo.

The detective looked the lawyer up and down.‘What did you pay for those shoes?’

Eiji snickers to himself.

“Mizuki-chan, Tonou-chan, Kobayashi-kun,” Hidaka-sensei calls, handing back essay papers, “Shindou-kun, Kashino-kun, Okumura-kun!” Akihito-kun and Eiji both stand up and go to the front of the room to accept their papers.

Hidaka-sensei smiles at Eiji and gives him a thumbs-up.“Awesome job, Okumura-kun, 96%, and you were writing it in the hospital!The rest of them need to follow your work ethic.”

Eiji smiles back uncomfortably.He isn’t unaware of the crackling of paper next to him; Akihito-kun always found English very difficult.He used to tutor Akihito-kun when they studied together after cram school, but after a while, Akihito-kun had brushed Eiji off, saying that he’d found a new tutor.

After school, Eiji stays behind for a while even though he no longer has to, and he watches the pole-vaulting practice.He recognizes Akihito-kun’s figure and notices how high and gracefully he vaults over the bar.There are the usual rounds of backslapping and mutual encouragement before someone else takes their turn.Eiji feels something not unlike jealousy tugging at him, but he pushes it away.He should be happy for Akihito-kun.

The next day Eiji offers his congratulations to Akihito-kun, hoping that the peace offering would be enough to heal the rift between them.

Akihito scowls at Eiji and shoves him hard into the wall of lockers, standing with his arms crossed even when Eiji grips his shoulder in pain.

“Fuck you!” Akihito hisses venomously.“Think you’re so high and mighty?You’re practically a cripple!You can forget about pole-vaulting.”

Eiji stares after Akihito’s disappearing back.The other students, who’d been silent during the fight, resume their conversations without missing a beat.None of them acknowledged Eiji, still sprawled against the wall.

********

In his bedroom, Eiji removes his shirt to find a black-purple bruise on his left shoulder blade.He pokes at it gingerly only to wince at how tender it feels.He goes down to the kitchen to boil an egg.He’s wrapped it in a towel and is applying it to his shoulder when his younger sister walks in.

“What happened?” she asks, staring at his shoulder.“Wait, did you get beaten up?”

Eiji opens his mouth to deny it, but she interrupts him.

“Kami-sama!Someone beat you up!What the hell!” Her eyes are angry.Eiji sighs.He appreciates his sister’s concern, but…

“Kimi-chan!” Eiji scolds.“Don’t use language like that.”

Kimiko-chan raises an eyebrow at him.“Uh huh, well, maybe I misheard, but I thought I heard someone yelling ‘Oh, shit!’ the other day when he stubbed his toe on his bed.”

Eiji strikes the pose of a superior person.He informs Kimi-chan, “When you’re mature and at my age, then you can swear.You’ll have earned the privilege because you’re busy staying up to do term papers, and you’re under stress.”

Kimiko-chan rolls her eyes.“Yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah.”She tosses her jacket onto the sofa and runs up to her room.

Kimi-chan probably asks an older girlfriend what happened since she doesn’t bother Eiji about it again.Since she’s on Seigaku Middle School’s tennis team, she often befriends older girls from Seigaku High School at the local competitions, and she doesn’t hesitate to take advantage of her connections.

A few days later, Eiji finds a small straw doll wearing the Seigaku High School pole-vaulting uniform.It has long thick pins stuck all over it.He stares incredulously at it and then flips it over onto its back, where he can read the characters for the name “Akihito.”Eiji grins despite himself.

When his sister comes home from school, Eiji is in the kitchen.He passes her one of the two plates that he’s holding.

Kimi-chan looks at the fruit salad she’s holding.“So I guess you’re not mad about the doll.What’d you do with it anyway?”

Eiji shrugs and pops a grape into his mouth.“I thought Akihito-kun would treasure it more.I put it in his gym locker.”

The siblings smirk at each other and high five.

********

“Hi, Tanaka-sensei,” Eiji blurts out nervously to the track-and-field coach.“Can I talk to you?”

The gray-haired man shuffles some papers in his hands and tosses them onto the desk.

“Okumura-kun,” Tanaka-sensei looks surprised. “How’s the injury doing?You’ll need to work hard to catch up in school.Finals are coming up.”

“Ah, yeah,” Eiji agrees. “I’m still finishing some of the essays, but I think my grades shouldn’t be too bad.The teachers were all very understanding.”

Tanaka-sensei nods.“So, what can I do for you?”

Eiji tries to keep his voice calm.“I talked to the guidance counselor about my options for next year, but she told me that the scholarship was given to someone else.I thought maybe there was a mistake.”

Eiji’s stomach sinks as Tanaka-sensei clears his throat and shuffles his papers again.

“Okumura-kun, you have to understand that the scholarship was dependent on your status as an athlete, as one of the school’s pole-vaulters. And since you’re out of commission…” Tanaka-sensei shrugs his shoulders.

“I asked to rejoin the pole-vaulting team when I came back to school,” Eiji points out.

Tanaka-sensei starts looking impatient.“You were gone for a month, Okumura-kun.You can’t leave for a month and expect to fit right back in.Pole-vaulting is a very competitive sport.Hell, some people say that you’re old for pole-vaulting once you’re past your 20s.You can’t waste any time.”

“Tanaka-sensei,” a voice calls from the field, “We can’t find the basketballs.What happened to them?”

“They’re in the storage area—same as always,” yells Tanaka-sensei.“Oh, hell, I’ll be right there.”

He turns back to Eiji.“Look, Okumura-kun, if you’re sure you want to do pole-vaulting again, then train yourself back up to your original level, and we’ll see.You were good, maybe better than good, but you’ve lost over a month.”He gets up from his desk and strolls out to the field.

“I’m graduating this year, Tanaka-san!” Eiji yells after him. Getting no reply, he smacks the desk corner with his palm in frustration.

********

When Eiji breaks the news to his parents, they take it more calmly than he expected.

His father shakes his head.“This happens all the time.Once you get injured, they find someone else.You need to be careful, Eiji.Don’t let their judgment of you influence the way you value yourself,” his father warns.

“We’ll think of something, Eiji.There are other colleges just as good but also more affordable,” his mother says calmly, pouring the tea after dinner.“And…”

His parents exchange glances.Eiji looks at Kimi-chan, but she shrugs.

His mother nods at his father and continues, “And it might be best if you took a year off regardless.”

Eiji looks at his mother in shock.“But I need to go to university,” he protests.

“And you will,” his mother replies, “But I think it is best for you to leave here for a while and let things take care of themselves.You’ve been under a lot of pressure, recuperating from your injuries and catching up with your grades, and you need to rest a bit.You might want to see what is outside of this town and what is outside of Japan.”

Eiji winces internally.Kimi-chan had told their parents about Akihito.

“Just think about it, Eiji,” his father advises, “You have four months before graduation; you have time to think.”

Eiji sighs, but he thinks about it, and when he graduates, he tells his parents yes.They arrange for him to take an internship with an inspiring photographer for the local newspaper.

********

“Uh, Ibé-san?” Eiji asks the back of a kneeling man, who was busy setting up a tripod camera.

The man jumps in surprise and turns around with a yelp.“You scared me!” he blurts out.

His eyes fall on Eiji’s nametag and light up.

“Oh, are you Eiji-kun?” Ibé-san asks, and he holds out a friendly hand.“Yes, I’m Ibé. Wow, you’re early.I wasn’t expecting you until 2:00.”

Before Eiji can say anything, Ibé-san keeps talking.“Well, since you’re here, why don’t you help me out with this next shoot?We’re heading over to Kiyo Park to take pictures of the new Sakura trees.”

Mouth still open, ready to answer, Eiji finds himself being tugged along as Ibé-san, cheerfully whistling, packs up his equipment and leaves the office, mumbling, “Where are my keys?”

At Kiyo Park, Eiji stands awkwardly next to Ibé-san as the photographer fusses with his tripod and lenses.

“Hey, Ibé,” some voices call, as two middle-aged men wander up, both holding cameras.

“Eh, Seguichi-san and Ueda-san!What are you two doing here?” Ibé-san asks, “Are you trying to steal my disciple?”

Seguichi-san, the taller man, laughs gruffly, “Ah, you think it’s all about you?We’re here to meet Eiji-kun.We can discuss tempting away with him personally.”

Ueda-san smiles and winks at Eiji.“Don’t let Seguichi-san fool you.He has great respect for Ibé-san’s work, and so do I.You can only learn from a photographer who has great passion for his work.”

Ibé-san elbows them out of the way and back in front of Eiji.“All right, all right.Out of the way, you two.We have work to do!”

Ibé-san kneels behind the camera smoothly before halting abruptly and turning to Eiji and putting his hands on Eiji’s shoulders.

“You know what, Eiji-kun,” Ibé-san says thoughtfully, “You can help me out with a special task.”

He hands Eiji a Nikon F camera.Eiji grasps the camera with both hands and gauges the heavy weight.

Ibé-san nods at the newly flowering Sakura trees around them.“I want you to show me something about those Sakura trees.”

“Ah!” he forestalls Eiji’s barely-voiced exclamation.“Yes, Sakura trees have a special meaning for all Japanese.That’s exactly why I want to see something new.Give me what you have, Eiji-kun.”

Holding back a sigh, Eiji wanders around the trees.It’s a cloudless sunny day, but the weather is still mild, and Eiji begins to enjoy himself.He puts the camera in front of his eyes and postures with abandon.He kneels down and pretends to take a shot of a tree trunk.He swivels to the right, then the left, and takes another shot of tree branches.He tilts the camera towards the sky and just looks through it for a while, following the path of a traveling bird.

The tower clock begins to dong, and Eiji remembers that he is supposed to be on task for something.He looks around, vowing to take the photo of the next thing to catch his eye.

Eiji stops at a stumble as he stares at the heavy scarring on the tree trunk in front of him.

It’s not the long deep jagged cuts through crushed and mossy bark that stop Eiji.The cuts are ugly and horrifying.And Eiji can’t believe the sick person who would damage the tree like that.

And yet Eiji is awed to see that the tree still stands straight and tall, the leaves still green and the white blossoms still proudly open.

The symbol of Japan’s indefatigable spirit.

Eiji backs up five feet from the tree.He bows solemnly.He raises the camera.

********

Ibé-san turns around at Eiji’s footsteps and hands him a soft drink with a searching smile.

“So, you ready, Eiji-kun?You’ve found something for yourself?” Ibé-san asks, his hands pushing the camera back into Eiji’s hands when he tries to give it back.

“Yes, thank you, Ibé-san.”Eiji takes a long refreshing gulp of the Pocari Sweat.

Ibé-san claps him on the shoulder.“All right, let’s get our film developed!”

An elderly couple walks by on their daily constitutional.The old woman smiles and remarks to her husband, “Isn’t it nice to see fathers teaching their sons?”

Eiji watches as Ibé-san digests the comment, realizes the woman was talking about Eiji and him, and wilts in shock at being taken for a man old enough to have a child Eiji’s age.

Eiji’s father is amused when Eiji tells him, and he jokes that Ibé-san should be adopted into the family.They all laugh, but Eiji still finds the incident bewildering.

“Do we really look that similar?” he wonders aloud.

“Hmm,” his mother says thoughtfully, looking from Eiji to Ibé-san, “Well, I can see something.”

“Me too,” Kimiko-chan puts in, “I think it’s the way that you both look when you’re flustered.You look like a ruffled up porcupine because of your hair and you go like, ‘Ehhh?’”

Eiji and Ibé-san both look indignant at the idea while the rest of the family laugh.

Shaking his head in resignation, Eiji turns to Ibé-san.“So, when are we leaving, Ibé-san?I still need to pack everything.”

“Oh, not for a few weeks or so,” Ibé-san answers, taking a bite out of his mochi, “I’m still trying to contact Mr. Max Lobo to confirm our plans, but he hasn’t called me back yet.”

Ibé-san shrugs easily, “Oh, well, he’s a journalist so maybe he’s just busy, tracking down another story.I just hope he’s there at the airport to pick us up.I don’t want to spend time poking into random places, trying to find that gang, and then get beaten up by rough kids.”

Eiji’s parents look apprehensive.“How close are you getting to this gang?” Eiji’s mother asks, “I hear those kid gangs can be as bad as the Yakuza with their violence.”

Ibé-san waves his hands frantically in a placating manner, almost smacking Eiji with his mochi.“Oh, no, don’t worry, Okumura-san, Mr. Lobo’s going to help us establish a good enough relationship with one of the gangs, and we’ll just interview them.A photograph and a few questions is all that we’ll need.”

“Yeah,” Eiji says enthusiastically, “And we’ll be able to tour the police stations.I wonder if any of the policemen look like Columbo?”

“Oh, I love that show,” Ibé-san enthuses, “Columbo is so funny.You remember that line?”

“‘What did you pay for those shoes?’” Ibé-san and Eiji chorus together, laughing.

Eiji’s parents look on with bewildered affection as Eiji and Ibé-san continue exchanging Columbo trivia and jokes.Kimiko-chan puts on a face of mock disgust but ruffles her brother’s hair mischievously, taking back his attention as he twists around to bat at her hand.

********

When Eiji first meets Ash, Eiji is unnerved by the cool stare that Ash aims at his face, green eyes swiftly taking in his shoulders, wrists, hips, and ankles.He wonders if this was what TV cops meant by “visual frisking,” or the cruder terms that they sometimes used.He’s tempted to tell Ash that he wouldn’t be wearing a white shirt if he wanted to conceal a weapon, but Ibé-san calls for his help.

Half-expecting a hard time from Ash, Eiji is taken off guard by Ash’s good-natured ribbing about his appearance.Eiji has heard it all before, making it more surprising to hear such jokes coming from a hardened gang leader.Especially one who strongly resembles the newest J-pop sensation, Ozaki Yutaka-kun.

“Really?Sorry, I thought you were a kid,” Ash smirks.Eiji swings back to his work and fumes to himself.The back of his mind marvels at the upturn of lips that had briefly softened Ash’s features and now allows Eiji to silently retort, “You’re a kid!”

The smile stays on Ash’s lips even when Eiji sees the flash of metal from Ash’s waistband and asks to see his gun, out of genuine curiosity and a desire to make a friendly overture.

“Wow, it is so heavy!Incredible,” Eiji gushes as he compares the feel and heft of a real gun to the models that his father’s friend, Suzuki-san, carefully kept on locked display in his study.

Eiji’s glee fades as he returns the gun to Ash.It is a real gun.From a real gang leader.His fingers can still feel the impressions of little nicks and scratches that roughen the metal body.

Self-conscious but driven, Eiji meets Ash’s curious eyes.“Have you ever…”

Hurt someone with this?Shot someone?Murdered someone?

“Have you ever…killed a person?” What other way could you put it?

“You really are a kid, aren’t you.”Ash leans back against the bar counter, arms out, casual.The other gang members hoot and holler as they shake their heads at Eiji’s ignorance.

Eiji’s eyes turn cool.Stupid to take offense, he knows.It was a dumb question.But the awful memory still comes clear in his mind.

“My mom’s going to kill me,” Akihito-kun had moaned.He sounded like he was joking, but his lips seemed to tremble briefly.He held out the failed test paper to Eiji.

“Ah, Akihito-kun,” Eiji started to reassure his friend and stopped as his eyes took in all the violent red marks.

“She just won’t accept the fact that I won’t be going abroad.How can I go to another country when I don’t know the language?How does she expect me to survive?Hire a translator to baby-sit me?I’m seventeen years old, aren’t I! ”Akihito-kun sounded angrier and shriller with each question.

Eiji casually put his textbooks on top of his test paper.He pushed the orange slices towards Akihito-kun.“Well, we have another midterm in four weeks.We’ll keep studying all night together until then, and we’ll do our best that day.We can also visit the shrine sometime.Sure, it’s superstition, but it might help psychologically--”

Eiji never expected the look of utter hatred that Akihito gives him, and his words trailed off as he stared back at Akihito.

Akihito laughed.“You, I don’t even, you are such an idiot, aren’t you.God, you’re so naïve and happy and, and lucky.”The last word tripped out.

“You’re like a dumb dog.”The words were measured and almost nonchalant.

Despite the kotatsu, Eiji felt small and cold as Akihito finally shut up.

Eiji can’t read Ash’s expression under the dim bar lights.Then Ash smiles almost self-deprecatingly as Ibé-san hurries over and pulls Eiji away.

You’re really a kid.

Am I?Eiji thinks to himself.

It didn’t seem like this Ash thought it was such a bad thing.

********

Coda:

“You were popular, weren’t you?” Ash asks abruptly, as they sit on the carpet, drinking soda and flipping idly through the comic books.Ash holds the tattered Batman comic closed, fingers tense on the cover as he seeks a distraction from his thoughts.

“Huh?” Eiji’s eyes widen.With his baby-face, his surprise looks almost exaggerated, Ash muses.

“Back home.In Japan.”

Eiji huffs out a breath.The noise disappears into the low hum of the air-conditioning that they turned on to fight the muggy night.“No.Well, maybe in elementary school, but not in high school.My classmates then had bad taste.”

The joke falls flat on Ash’s ears.He wants to tell Eiji to go home anyway.Where he won’t hear or see bullets flying, bodies being used, blood splattering across his face.But Eiji is frowning now the way he hasn’t been for the past peaceful half hour together.

Ash struggles with himself.The angel in him loses, and he speaks.“And that’s why you’re over here.”

He hates himself the minute he says it, and he rushes to muffle the sentiment with off-color jokes about Eiji’s handiness in the kitchen.But his throat feels too dry to let the words out.

Ash doesn’t look up, a rusty feeling of shame at his selfishness.Eiji’s stillness at his side exacerbates his turmoil until a hand lands on his bicep.

“But not why I am here to stay,” Eiji tells him, eyes clear and direct and somehow comforting.

  
  



End file.
